Fluta: Before we get started here, Stephen, I would like to say that's a mighty big piece of pizza you have there.
Fluta: Okay, Okay, I'm sorry.
Abry: Hi, Stephen. Welcome to The Gal. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Stephen: I am a good work ... guy.
Cordelia Windygale: What are five things most people don't know about you?
Stephen: Five things? Dammit. I never now how to answer these. Um ... I saw Napoleon Dynamite in the theater. I kept a political blog in 2011 that no longer exists. I've probably watched Gremlins II more than any other movie. And those are the five ... (three, sir) ... three things most people don't know about me.
Abry: What is the first book you remember reading?
Stephen: A Study in Scarlet
Cordelia Windygale: What are you reading now?
Stephen: Insurgency by Kurt Schuett
Abry: What made you decide you want to write? When did you begin writing?
Stephen: I've written for as long as I can remember. I think I just thought it was easy. And it is, when you're a kid, the same way drawing is easy when you're a kid. You have no capacity to judge the outcome.
Cordelia Windygale: Do you have a special place you like to write?
Abry: Do you have any quirks or processes that you go through when you write?
Stephen: I light candles. I don't know if that counts as a quirk.
Cordelia Windygale: Where do the ideas for your books come from?
Stephen: Lots of people think that the good idea fairy visits in the middle of the night and sprinkles my head with plot dust. NOT TRUE. I just make shit up.
Abry: What books have most inspired you?
Stephen: Oh, shit, this is probably something that people are going to judge me on. Better go straight douche literati. Um ... Ulysses? And ... Infinite Jest? And as for The Corrections, well, it needed none.
Cordelia Windygale: Is there anything about writing you find most challenging.
Stephen: Getting reviews. You'd think I was begging for live organs.
Abry: What do you think makes a good story?
Stephen: All good stories consist of three basic elements: telephones, hookers, and kale. Without those you're just standing around with your genitals in your hands.
Fluta: *whispers* Stephen, that's the best answer we've received yet.
Cordelia Windygale: Which, of all your characters, do you think is the most like you?
Stephen: Braineater. He's basically me on steroids. Or ... not steroids. Brain steroids. Whatever those are called.
Abry: Why did you pick your particular genre?
Stephen: I didn't PICK horror. Horror picked ME. No. That's a total lie. I dunno. A lot of the books in my trunk are actually sci-fi and fantasy. I think maybe I just happened to be on a horror kick when I finally got picked up by a publisher.
Cordelia Windygale: What makes your books different from others out there in this genre?
Stephen: I'd be lying if I said my novels were unlike any other horror novels out there. They're unlike any other FICTION out there, period. When it comes to the modern literary landscape, it's just me, Gillian Flynn, and a bunch of ants. Give me a call some time, Gilly, baby. We'll collaborate like they do on the Discovery Channel.
Fluta: What is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done to impress someone?
Stephen: Agreed to this interview.
Fluta: AUNT MEGHAN!!!!
Abry: Fluta, be quiet. What can we expect from you in the future, Stephen?
Stephen: More drinking.
Cordelia Windygale: One last thing. Where can we find you?
About the author:
Stephen Kozeniewski lives with his wife and two cats in Pennsylvania, the birthplace of the modern zombie. He was born to the soothing strains of "Boogie with Stu" even though The Who are far superior to Zep, for reasons that he doesn't even really want to get into right now.
During his time as a Field Artillery officer, he served for three years in Oklahoma and one in Iraq, where, due to what he assumes was a clerical error, he was awarded the Bronze Star. The depiction of addiction in his fiction is strongly informed by the three years he spent working at a substance abuse clinic, an experience which also ensures that he employs strict moderation when enjoying the occasional highball of Old Crow.
He is also a classically trained linguist, which sounds much more impressive than saying his bachelor's is in German.